Update on Phil Lawrence and his Paxil withdrawal documentary…

I noticed that film maker Phil Lawrence had not posted on his blog – Uncomfortably Numb – for a few months – maybe he’s busy finishing off his documentary about his own withdrawal from Paxil/Seroxat, I thought…

Not quite:

The Journey Continues…

Wow! Earlier today I was looking at my calendar and I realized that a year has already passed. On, September 1, 2006, I went to my doctor and told him that after 10 years of use, I wanted to stop taking Paxil. I knew it might be difficult, but I thought I was ready and that I could handle it. As I look back now, I realize that I really had no idea what I was in for…

In the beginning, I actually remember being excited about cutting my dose and discovering the “new me.” I thought to myself that other people who had tried to stop and couldn’t – and then complained about difficult symptoms – were just weak and unable to cope with their own personal lives. I thought I was different and that I could fight through it. That stuff wouldn’t happen to me. Now, as I look back, I see how wrong I was. How naïve.

That leads me to an explanation for my absence over the past several months…

Early in the year, the film project was steaming along – that is until my withdrawal became too severe. Although I continued to record the entire mess, the toll it was taking on my personal life and my business forced me to step back for a while. Fortunately now, I am feeling well enough to hopefully finish it up – unfortunately, I was unable to break completely away from antidepressants. Around April, I was losing complete control of my emotions and had become so confused by what I was feeling that I was consumed with finding a way to make it stop. I tried to stick it out and get better, but the feelings of desperation and despair were too strong. Despite all I learned about antidepressants and the risks involved – on the advice of my doctor – I agreed to try Prozac. Just saying it makes me feel ashamed. While I must admit that I have found relief, it also feels like the drug still controls me. I’m not sure what’s next for me – or how long I will be stuck in this cycle. I guess, for now, the good news is that I’m alive – and I now have even more of a cautionary story to tell that will hopefully help others.

I’m sure that many of you reading this will be able to sympathise with Phil and what he’s going through. I know I can.

Good luck Phil.